Brighton Pride is on the horizon and with so much going on around our city The Brighton Bulletin has produced a top ten guide of things to see and do this weekend.
If you don’t come out with at least 8 out of these you’re doing it all wrong.
1 – Watch at least four people cram into one portaloo.
There is nothing like the smell of a portaloo on a hot Pride day. Why wouldn’t you want to experience that stench with all your mates? That is the only reason our innocent minds can think why you would need so many people in one bog……………
2– Lose all you mates.
Nothing quite screams fun, fun, fun like losing your pals and spending a couple of hours trying to get signal to ring them only to find out they have been two metres behind you the whole time. Walking around on your tod at pride is both eye opening and character building in the extreme. You will meet mates for life, mates who you immediately bin off as soon as you find chums.
3- Accidentally brush your hand against a man’s bare arse.
Space can be limited at Pride and you are likely to be in some pretty tight spots. It’s inevitable a bit of skin on skin action is going to take place. Try to avoid by walking around with your arms crossed however if the inevitable does happen conduct a subtle a hand sniff to make sure you are all good and you can be on your merry way.
4 –Watch a man dancing on his tiny Kemp Town balcony in his even more tiny Speedos
What’s not love about gawping at a slightly overweight bloke pulling shapes in his smalls.
5 – Catch a female ‘shaking the lettuce’ behind a bin
You can go into Town any day of the week and catch a bloke having a leak behind a bin, Pride is the ladies time to shine. If you don’t walk past a glitter clad woman having a slash behind a bin within an hour of arriving you may as well go home. Also keep your eyes peeled for the lesser spotted ‘female pissing up against a tree’.
6 – Have a good old moan about how about Pride isn’t what it used to be.
‘Well in my day the party was free, the beer was cheap and the pills were good’ Repeat hourly until 4am.
7. Watch a group of girls squabble over who gets to stand next to their gay friend in photos
A gay friend is must have accessory for every sassy gal at Pride. In 2015 a woman was hospitalised after a fight about who got to stand next to their gay mate for the Snapchat selfie.
8. Witness the apocalyptic scene that is St James Street at 7am on Sunday morning
Have you ever seen the show ‘The Walking Dead’? Don’t bother. Just get yourself down St James Street on Sunday morning. The Pride walk of shame is the stuff of legends. You will wade through a sea of broken glass, gas canisters and flattened cans of Red Stripe navigating around the hardcore who are still going strong and the not so hardcore strewn across the street sleeping off last nights excess. Running the guantlet out of Kemp Town at first light, still half cut whilst trying to avoid your Mum’s mate Linda who is out taking the dog for a walk, is not to be missed.
9. Regret every decision you made at Pride for the whole week after
Why is it you instantly regret every decision you make at Pride? Whether it’s that 15th can of Vodka Cranberry, withdrawing the extra hundred quid ‘just in case’ or accepting that house party invite where it ended up getting a bit weird, all the love in the air tends to cloud ones judgement. Prepare yourself for a solid week of post pride self loathing. Don’t panic though it will fade eventually and you be back next year to fuck up just as bad.
10. Continue to find glitter in your arse crack for two whole weeks after Pride
We couldn’t miss the opportunity to re-share our first every story.
Pride marks a year since the Brighton Bulletin launched. Thanks for all your likes comments and shares over that time. We will continue to bring you all the latest news from Brighton and Hove as and when it breaks. Now dust of your leather chaps, crack out those nipple clamps and go get yourself down Pride!!!
The Brighton Bulletin 
Great article….funny, wry, nicely cynical and affectionate.. Piers
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