Armed Police Attend as Trick or Treaters Become Embroiled in Turf Wars For Hove’s Poshest Streets


Police have today revealed that several children have suffered injuries, two of which are thought to be life altering, as rival gangs of trick or treaters compete for Hove’s prime location.

Armed police were called to Tongdean Avenue, Western Esplanade and Dyke Road Avenue to attend to what they described as, ‘serious disturbances’, ahead of tomorrows Haribo fuelled Halloween festivities.

The youngsters, aged between four and twelve, were thought to be scoping out the potential gold mines that the affluent areas present. With reports of full bags of Squishes, giant Toblerones and family sized Galaxy bars being handed out in previous years, tensions reached fever pitch as hundreds of kids looked to mark the territory as their own.

One group of children had been camping at the end of Tongdean Avenue since Saturday in an attempt to stake their claim. As rival groups arrived and attempted to muscle in, sporadic fights broke out which quickly escalated to full blown brawls as well as a 50 strong ‘pile on’.

A spokesman for the ambulance service said, ‘We have seen the admission of up to 30 children as a result of a serious halloween related incident in Hove. The injuries range from nipple cripples, numerous slaps to the bollocks and third degree chinnese burns. We currently have two patients that are in a critical condition after some of the worst dead legs we have ever seen’.

Police now say they have the situation under control but have advised residents who live in the affected areas to stay indoors and not to give the little shitebags any sweets.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s