New independent research published by the University of California has revealed up to five vegans every week are being converted back to meat by the heavenly waft of the the sausage stand on the corner of Churchill Square.
The year long study revealed how the scent of the stall, when inhaled, triggered sensors in a vegan’s brain scientifically known as the ‘animalsaretastyceptors’. A chemical reaction in the brain is then set off which makes a sausage in a nice soft roll with some onions and chilli relish almost impossible to resist.
The paper which was published yesterday in the journal ‘Science Quartely’ was conducted by Dr Hank Marvin who pitched up every morning at Churchill Square and waited for customers to purchase a sausage before approaching them and asking them if they were previously vegan and then doing a little tally. Once such convert was a woman from Queens Park who wanted only to be known as Peaceful Flower. Peaceful said, ‘I had just been in to Waitrose to take a photo of the meat counter and put in on Facebook with the tag ‘#AnimalsLivesMatter’, I was then heading to the beach to see if I could find some people to tell I was a vegan. I had got as far as Churchill Square and I do not know what came over me, I couldn’t help myself as soon as my nose got a whiff of those sweet sweet onions I was a goner! I ended up getting a hot dog with onions and mustard, it was lush. I felt like a right dick afterwards though so I tried to go back to veganisism but it wasn’t the same, I am back aboard the meat train and loving it, to be fair It makes sense as I was running out of people to tell I was vegan anyway’.
Since the publication of the report various Facebook groups have been set up warning vegans off the area. One group calling themselves the Vegan Vigilantes has set up a 24 hour human ring around the site to warn other plant eaters not to enter although it is thought at least 4 of the 14 people have already succumbed to the smell of the hot dog after only 6 hours.
The Brighton Bulletin 