Rail Strike Update: Grown Adults Still F*cking Arguing About Who is Going to Close The Poxy Doors on a Train

The Brighton Bulletin can today reveal in a world exclusive that two groups of human beings, who quite frankly should know better, are still squabbling over the who gets to press the little button on a train to open a close the door. The feud, which has been going on for months, was thought to…

Forget Driver Only Trains Southern Now in Talks With Fat Controller About Acquiring Fleet of Train Only Trains

Just when you thought the current Southern Rail dispute couldn’t get any worse, The Brighton Bulletin can exclusively reveal leaked documents have shown Southern Rails chiefs are in advanced talks with the Fat Controller about purchasing a fleet of ‘train only’ trains. Southern Rail are digging their heels in over the introduction of ‘driver only’…