OAP Rescued After Spending TWO DAYS Trying to Feel His Way Out of Brighton’s Hollister Store


A pensioner from Peacehaven was rescued yesterday after spending 48 hours trying to navigate his was out of the darkness at Churchill Square’s Hollister store.

Sussex Police came to the aid Jeremy Cullen after the 77 year old had tried to feel his way out the gloomy store but had ended up getting even more lost. The former civil servant had been returning a Christmas gift his wife had bought for their granddaughter before getting in a right state trying to see the exit through the murkiness. Mr Cullen repeatedly tried to make his way to the door but despite his best efforts wasn’t able to make it out. He spent the next two days trying to feel his out of the shop whilst his worried wife Margret reported him missing. Sussex Police launched a missing persons investigation knocking on over 200 doors in and around Peacehaven but failing to track down Mr Cullen. It is thought the staff at the store didn’t notice the poor old bugger as his screams for help were drowned out by the shitty electro pop music played at an unbearably high volume. It wasn’t until 11.00am Monday before police finally tracked him down.

A statement from Sussex Police read ‘Officers entered the Hollister store in Churchill Sq at 11.15am on Monday, they used head torches and breathing apparatus, to combat the overpowering sweet stench, and led a tired but unhurt gentleman from the premises. We would like to thank the public for all their help and praise the brave officers who put their own safety and sanity at risk by entering the store’

A relieved and slightly embarrassed Mr Cullen also thanked his rescuers, ‘They are hero’s in my eyes, they are the brave ones in all this’ he said. ‘I hope I didn’t waste their time but I just couldn’t see my way out of that darn place. It is so bloody dark I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face how on earth was I meant to find my way out. The god awful music just made me even more disorientated. In the end I just gave up and sat there hoping for the best. I’m so glad the police came, I was starving and busting for a slash’.

Hollister haven’t made comment on their lighting policy as rumors persist a coach trip from Birmingham  is set to visit the shop on Friday in an attempt to see the northern lights.

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