Police Issue Caution to Kemp Town Resident After he Reports His Drug Dealer to Trading Standards


A Brighton man has been handed a £60 fine and an official police warning after reporting his drug dealer to Trading Standards for ‘consistently poor customer service’.

Mark Taggart, 24, was visited by a member of Sussex Constabulary at his home this morning after they were tipped off by Trading Standards. A search in his home turned up some counterfeit tobacco and an illegal download of ‘Die Hard 5’ but no drugs so he was given a caution and warned about his future conduct.

Taggart penned the letter of complaint after growing increasingly frustrated with his dealers vague opening hours, lack of delivery service and poor timekeeping.  ‘I didn’t know where to turn’ he explained to The Bulletin. ‘I have been getting my green of this same guy for about five years now but in the last year or so the service has really declined. It has got to a level where I felt I had to do something about it. He is only about 20 but he’s a scruffy barst***d who takes absolutely zero pride in his work, to be honest I have no idea how he stays in business. He is always late which means me hanging around on street corners for up to an hour looking bait as, he never replies to my texts even though I can see the little tw*t has read them so I have no idea if he is open from one day to the next. The final kick in the nads came when he started bulking the bags up with stalks and then just blatantly making them smaller’ he complained.

Mr Taggart explained how he tried other avenues before reporting his dealer, ‘My mate Ben started this thing on Facebook about Mars bars getting smaller and he got a shed loads of likes so I tried the same thing about my bags of weed but Facebook took it down so that was a non starter. I was going to try another dealer but I just cant face that first really awkward phone call, it was then I when I remembered that little bald Dom fella off the telly saying something about Trading Standards so I thought it was worth a go. Looking back on it, especially with the plod knocking on my door this morning, it probably wasn’t the best move, however you never know it may just give the spotty shite the kick up the arse he needs’.

Sussex Police declined to comment.

6 thoughts on “Police Issue Caution to Kemp Town Resident After he Reports His Drug Dealer to Trading Standards

  1. Hillarious. This guy is a visionary it wont be long before we will be able to go to trading standards about shody dealers. However they wont exist under legalisation.


    • Because they consider that forcing people to pay fines that they can’t afford is better than making companies like Vodafone or Google pay their taxes so that the whole country can benefit…in short, blatant corruption and a police state!


  2. Certainly, an upping of the service levels of Brighton’s dealers would go a long way to making a hit and miss service more pleasant; perhaps use of deodorant would be a good place to start and certainly soap-water-hands would be a favourable improvement without too much outlay.


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